Why Men Don’t Listen

One of my favorite books is Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps by Barbara and Allan Pease. This book tells the difference between the way men and women communicate. No, I don’t have communication problem with my husband, I think, and I sure hope there will never be. But reading this book helps me understand my husband better.
One thing I really don’t like with my husband is that he doesn’t listen to anything I say when he is watching TV or reading newspaper. I realized this problem since a long time ago, before we got married. It usually happened in the lab where we worked. He was doing something with the computer when I talked to him asking about something. I never got his answer (or even his attention) on my first attempt. I had to call his name at least three times with raising tone before I got his attention. Back then I just don’t understand why he’d gone deaf when he’s doing something. Until I read this book.
The book reveals two of my frequent problems with my husband:

• Why men really can’t do more than one thing at a time, and
• Why men are deaf when reading newspaper.

And this is the answer to the problem. I copy it from the book page 52-53.

Why men can do only one thing at a time
All the available research agrees: Men’s brains are specialized. Compartmentalized. A male brain is configured to concentrate on one specific dedicated task at once, and most men will tell you they can only do “one thing at a time.” When a man stops his car to read a street directory, what’s the first thing he does to the radio? He turns it down! Most women can’t understand why this happens. She can read while listening and talking, so why can’t he? Why does he insist on turning down the TV when the telephone rings? “When he’s reading the newspaper or watching TV, why can’t he hear what I’ve just told him?” is a lament that has been made by every woman in the world at some time. The answer is that a man’s brain is configured for one thing at a time because of fewer connecting fibers between the left and right hemispheres and a more compartmentalized brain. Take a brain scan of his head when he’s reading, and you’ll find that he is virtually deaf.

Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps; page 52
Barbara and Allan Pease
2000

So that’s why! I guess there’s nothing I can do about it. But knowing the fact doesn’t stop me from getting angry sometimes. It’s too nerve-wracking for me when he doesn’t listen to the words I say. And if I call him over and over again just to get his attention first, he can get angry too. *sigh*
But now, not anymore, I hope. I learn to be more patient, and keep telling my self that he doesn’t mean that. It just him, and it is something that he cannot control himself. Well, even if he actually can, I would still think that way, just in case. Now, I never talk to him when he’s reading the newspaper or watching TV unless it’s really urgent. And if I do, and then I don’t get his attention, I will just take a deep breath and rest whatever I’m about to say to him until he finishes with whatever he is doing. Simple. But it takes a lot of patience to do it. Fortunately I can manage it.

Don’t worry hon, I still love you anyway! ^_^

By the way, as a woman, my direction orientation is poor! My husband usually laughs at me about this. But I still can read map, by turning it around to face it in the direction I’m going. *lol*

Links:
Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps, by Barbara and Allan Pease